Title of Story: She's Not You
Author: Bridget
E-Mail: [email protected]
Content: S with thoughts of W. Implied W/O
Rating: PG-13
Disclaimer: I own nothing of the Buffy universe.
Distribution: Ask and you shall recieve
Story Summary: Spike compares Willow and Harmony. Told from Spike's POV
Feedback: Please. Flames will be answered by my evil legions of terror.

******

She’s not you, pet.

      When I close my eyes, and slowly drift into dreams, I sometimes imagine she
is.
Her skin is cold, but if I let my imagination carry me in just the right
way, I can feel
warmth. The caress of her hand against my cheek is not hers, it’s yours. The
feel of her
hair belongs to you.

      Then she speaks. The illusion is gone.

      Bleeding Christ, what was I thinking?

      Rebound, that’s what it was. Or perhaps I was still a little bit drunk when
I first
took her with me. Or perhaps it was just the sheer initial bliss of having
another body
with me. I had been so alone. But that’s all it had been: initial bliss. It
was a drug. It was a
comfort... until I recovered. Then I was trapped with what felt like a one
night stand that
would not go away.

      Maybe it had been her youth, the life she had lived. This woman.. no girl
had lived
a very shallow life, surrounded by riches and meaningless status, cursed to
only last past
the ending of her schooling. The real world was much different. if she
hadn’t died, she
would have found that out.

      She had never suffered like you did. She didn’t know what real fear and
real pain
were like. She didn’t know real love. She only knew things and how they
looked. Love
was not a feeling to her, it was something to show off, like a pair of
bloody shoes.

      You know what love is. I have seen the way you looked at the wolf. I saw
the look
you received back. True, you have your youth, but it was one tempered with
fire and
blood. Despite the odds, you survived. You aren’t weak. I dare say you are
stronger than
the Slayer is. You never give up, you never give in. You began with next to
nothing, and
look what you have become.

      I miss your voice. I miss that smell. If I had the chance to go back in
time, I
wouldn’t have passed up that smell down in the factory.

      She didn’t. She took you... probably would have killed you, too. She didn’t
see
your life as having any meaning. That’s not to say I think much of the lives
of Happy
Meals... What I meant was to say, she looked down on you. She saw you as
something to
wipe out. I know for a fact she didn’t put any thought what-so-ever into it.
I mean, going
after the Slayer’s best friend without a battle plan is about as smart as
taking a noon walk.

      I’m glad the wolf was there. I may hate him, but I am happy he saved you.

      I think I first realized this after she came to me in the tunnel. Inside I
was furious
she had touched you. It wasn’t until now I realized why.

      I want you, pet.

      I think I always knew it, but it never surfaced.

      You have wisdom, ducks. You know the world as it really is. You have risen
above the haze of delusion covering the modern world. You know I am out
there, among
the other nasty things that hide in the dark. You even have the gall to
fight us, even
without the Slayer’s strength.

      Whether or not that is the smartest idea is still the topic of debate. I’ll
admit is
quite noble from a certain point of view.

      Of course, I’m going to have to put an end to that.

      It would have been easier with the ring, but as I hear it, the great pouf
has
destroyed it. Why, I can’t imagine. In truth, it’s his only real defense
from me. Sooner or
later, we’ll have our final battle. Without the ring, he has no chance of
surviving that. His
loss, my gain.

      Lone wolf... Who the hell am I kidding? I was never a solitary man. I can
do
business alone, and given what happened with that blasted torturer I damn
well plan to.
But in life, I need company. I need someone to pass the time by with, to
hunt beside. I
need conversation.

      She could never carry a dialogue. She has no substance. You do.

      Your presence couild inspire a milllion poems and sonnets. Her presence
inspired
a great headache and a longing for sunlight. One look from you could reduce
a man’s
knees to jello.

      Yet you waste it all on the wolf. A pity. You are so loyal, I know you
really do
love him, much the way I loved Dru for all of those years. I wonder though,
how similiar
our situations are. Does he love you the same way I do? Is he as loyal as
you are? I
wonder.

      I would never leave you.

      I will never leave you.

      In fact, luv, I’m coming back now.
*****
Read Temptation Waits