Mercy

By Cotti

Title: Mercy 1/1
Author: Me. Cotti. ([email protected])
Rating: PG
Disclaimer: Spike is Joss’, refers to Willow, she’s Joss’ too. The
lyrics are Sarah McLachlan’s, Mercy, which makes my cry.
Distribution: take, please, but tell me too.
Author’s Note: This comes after ‘The Wind’, it won’t make sense unless
you’ve read that too.
Feedback: Oh please!!!!

Mercy – pure and simple
Longing – cold and hollow
With sweet breath you’d come to warm me
But I held on too hard to only a memory
You lie there on the swollen ground
Deserted in your heart
Still longing for what yesterday’s lost
And for all that tomorrow might bring
And for all that tomorrow might bring
Passion lost – taken, stolen
The dreams we had and shared – shattered, broken
With sweet breath you’d come to soothe me
But I so blind and filled with fear
Would send you away from me,
There’s no hope in regretting now
All the pain that we could not see
We both knew what we wanted
And we took it believing it free
And we took it believing it free
-Mercy, Sarah McLachlan

Spike stumbled through the empty streets of Sunnydale, the rain
thundering around him, weeping for the loss of an angel. Spike wept too,
she had been his for a time, completely and wholly his. In all his life
he’d never loved any other creature as much as he had loved her, his
beautiful redheaded goddess.
He screamed at the sky, cursing the heavens for reclaiming his lover.
She had been snatched from his arms when he had told her, were the fates
so cruel? He supposed so. He’d never told her he’d loved her before that
night, and he thought that was what had stopped her heart. But he’d also
never spoken her real name, was it possibly he’d shocked her so with
that word, to beautiful to pass his lips, that she’d ceased to live?
He hated himself. If he had simply answered as always, said “I know,
pet”, she would be alive. She would be by his side, laughing, holding
his hand, and promising to stay with him forever.
She was gone. The truth sliced into him like a blade, searing white hot
pain shot through his heart, causing more pain than a stake saturated in
holy water could ever inflict. He body was weary of life, now that his
light was gone, her red hair lying still in the cold earth. He lips pale
now, no need to breathe her preciously warm breath. The sweet breath
that had often warmed him when he rose at dusk, that had kept a rhythm
while she slept, that had tickled his lips when they kissed and had come
in raspy gasped afterwards.
It had been three years to the day, and his heart ached at the loss,
still, after so many years. He was too lost in his memory to be saved,
only death would heal the wounds of his heart.
“Time heals all wounds,” she had said that once, the occasion lost, only
the words mattered, he wished that they could be true, but they never
could, because his wound was deep, unseen by any, save her. His heart
was gone now, she had taken the tattered remains with her on that
fateful day.
“I’ll always come for you,” that’s what she had said, but it was three
years later and she hadn’t come.
Not in his dreams, not in his fantasies, not even in death, all he had
were his memories. Too many, and yet to few, they blended together,
marring her perfect picture, nothing was clear anymore, rather, it was
like looking into a funhouse mirror and seeing a contortion of reality.
Each day he prayed that she would come, and each day she didn’t.
He hadn’t touched another woman since her, his passion spent in memories
of her, her body next to his, warming his cold flesh. She’d taken that
too, along with the dreams of happiness for centuries to come that they
had shared.
She had told him she loved him a million times, maybe more, and he had
said it once, to afraid to let himself love, or be loved. He’d silently
pushed the topic away when it arose, never telling her, never knowing
how beautiful it felt to love her, until it was too late.
“Never regret anything you do, my love,” she’d told him after the first
time they’d made love, “if you do, then life isn’t worth living.” No
regrets. No, he couldn’t regret anymore, she’d taken that with her as
well. Neither of them could have foreseen the anguish they would both go
through, they both knew what they loved about the other. He brought out
her dark side, and she showed him his good side, and they both had
wanted to share everything with each other.
For a moment they had, but at the highest price imaginable.
*******
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