Yesterday's Love

Yesterday's Love

Title: Yesterday's Love
Author: Inell
Email: [email protected]
Disclaimer: Joss owns them all
Distribution: Usual suspects
Rating: R
Feedback: Makes me happy
Notes: Something new.
To Pea who promised to finish Lullaby.

YESTERDAY'S LOVE (1/?)

Dearest

I thought of you again today. It was rather odd actually. I was at the
supermarket and smelled the bakery making bread. My mind flashed back
to
that night you took me to Luisia's the first time. The french bread
arriving at the table. It was so warm. The smell of garlic and spices.
I
remember your face in the candle light as you tore a piece off for me.
You eyes amused as I ate the heavenly creation.

Our first date. How innocent I was back then. You made me feel things
that I had never felt. I wanted to badly to please you. You became my
life. I think I knew that night that I would love you. Did you know
then? Did it take you longer? How I wish I knew.

I finally got the oil changed today. How long did it take me? As I sat
and watched the mechanic work I could hear your voice telling me that I
had waited too long. I had to blink back tears as I imagined what you
would say. The mechanic thought I was crazy, I'm sure. I miss you my
love. So very much.

Where are you tonight? Are you in the heavens looking down on me....Are
you partying down in Rio....Are you with someone else, laying in her
arms, enjoying her kiss....I so hate this feeling of emptiness that
filled me as you left. My heart breaks a little more each day. Do you
miss me?

Forever yours.....
*******
YESTERDAY'S LOVE (2/?)

Dearest.....

I woke up screaming for you. I had a nightmare that you were gone. When
I woke, I realized that it wasn't a nightmare. You weren't here. The
past came flooding into my mind. I wish you were here to hold me until
I
feel safe. I ache knowing that you will never hold me again.

Two months. It seems like two hundred years. Time stands still for me.
My broken heart makes it hard to live. I only make it through the days
because I know that is what you'd want. I have to go on, for you.
Always
for you.

I can't forget you, my darling. Every time I close my eyes, your face
haunts me. I reach across my empty bed wishing you were there. We had
such a great time together. It could have been perfect. Why did it have
to change?

I was out shopping and ran into someone. He smelled of cigarettes and
leather. He made me miss you even more. What I wouldn't do to see you
sitting beside me. My love. Why did you leave me?

Forever yours.......
********
YESTERDAY'S LOVE (3/?)

Dearest.....

I thought I saw you today. I was walking down the street and you were
walking towards me. I froze, a million emotions going through my mind.
What would I do? What would I say? Should I kiss you? I felt my breath
catch when I realized that it wasn't you. I knew, but I had hoped.

I had another dream about you. In this one, you stayed with me. Things
were as they should have been. I woke up, a smile on my face for the
first time in months. Everyone noticed my spirits. I know that when you
left, a part of me died. I try to go on for you.

Someone asked me out. I refused. No one will ever take the place that
you hold in my heart. I know one day, when I'm older, I'll meet someone
and marry. I won't love him the way I love you. I will never find my
true match again. You left me.

Will you be upset when I move on? Should I feel guilty for even
thinking
about that day? I know it won't be for a long time. It still hurts so
much. Thinking about you is the only thing that makes me happy.
Dreaming
of what could have been. Why did I hesitate?

Forever yours.......
**********
YESTERDAY'S LOVE (4/4)

Dearest......

I found the letter today. You must have written it before you left. I
cried until I couldn't see. You did love me. So much. Why? I ask that
question with every breath I take. Life is cruel.

I am glad that I found your words. The sadness they brought was
balanced
with the memories that you wrote about. Our first kiss. Our first date.
The day you knew that you loved me. I was so blind. Why didn't I see?

I felt you in my bed last night. I don't know how, but I know it was
you. Your touch on my breasts. Your mouth on my neck. I wanted so badly
to open my eyes and see if I could see you. I didn't want to ruin the
moment. It is all I have left of you. The memories and the dreams. Do
you watch over me? Do you know how much I miss you? Do you see how the
little things remind me of you?

I write these letters as therapy. I know that you will never read them.
You can't. I have to tell you how I feel though. If I don't, I fear I
may lose my mind. Life goes on. Things are well. We all miss you. I
miss
you more than anyone knows. You were my love. Every day I come here and
sit and let my mind write you. I know that one day, my trips will
become
fewer. I fear when that day comes.

I know that I will never forget you, my love. I will always dream of
you
and what our lives could have been like. I miss seeing you smile at me.
Strange how something that simple can be so greatly missed. I wonder
who
takes these letters. Every day, when I get here, they are gone. I don't
mind. My love for you can be shared with everyone. I must go now, my
love. Until tomorrow. My heart is still yours.

Forever yours........

Cordelia folded the letter and put it in the envelope. She set it on
the
top of Doyle's headstone, securing it with a rock. She wiped her eyes
as
she traced his name with her finger. "Forever yours, Doyle" she said
softly as she turned and left.

A breeze knocked the rock off and sent the letter sailing into the blue
sky. It disappeared as it got higher than the trees. A soft voice
whispered in the air, "I love you Princess...."

***************THE END********************