Hare-y Attacker

By Ruby

Title: Hare-y Attacker 1/1 (15th in the "Plagued--Why Us?" series)
Author: Ruby
E-mail: [email protected]
Rating: PG-16
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Summary: Not all furry creatures are harmless.
Archive: My usual haunts.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Notes: No rabbits were injured in the making of this fic. In fact, I love rabbits. Hell, I feed the ones that venture into my backyard.
Just wanted to be sure everyone knows I'm really an avid animal lover.
Dedication: For daria, fangs for the suggestion!
 

Giles pulled a face as Willow plopped herself comfortably into Spike's lap and dragged a book on the library table toward her.

"So, where are Buffy and Xander?" she asked, flipping through the yellowed pages. "They are going to help research, aren't they?"

"They'll be here," he nodded. "They're ridding themselves of their present green state."

"Really? You found a way to de-green them?" she asked.

"I managed to find a way to contact the leader of those leprechauns. I told him his 'princess' wanted a cure for her friends," he
answered.

"And he gave you a spell that would work?"

"Not so much a spell as a--ritual," the watcher answered. "Ah, here they are."

Buffy preceeded Xander into the room and shot a poisonous look at the blonde vampire who was nibbling at Willow's earlobe. Willow's
eyes followed her as she flopped down in a chair, and she began to giggle.

"What?" Buffy asked, clearly annoyed at being laughed at.

"What is that in your hair?" Willow asked between laughs.

"Looks like a pink heart to me," Xander answered, standing behind the slayer and peering down at her head. "No, wait, it's an orange
star--I think. It's kind of too mushy to really tell."

"What?!?" Buffy grumbled and raked her fingers through her hair, smearing the tiny marshmallow shape through it. "Oh, yuck!!"

"Lucky Charms?? How the hell did you get Lucky Charms in your hair?" Willow asked.

"It was the only way to make that green color go away!" Buffy answered angrily.

"I don't get it," Spike admitted.

"You wouldn't," she snapped. "We had to bathe in a tub full of Lucky Charms. That's what that damned leprechaun said, anyway."

"It worked," Xander shrugged. "At least we won't have to be green for a week."

"Yeah, and if you get hungry, you can just pick through your hair," Willow giggled.

"Okay, just knock off the jokes, already! I'm not going to sit here half the night and listen to you two go on and on about this!" the
slayer snarled.

"Okay, I'm sorry," Willow grinned. "But can I just do this--"

She leaned forward and flicked off a green clover from just above Buffy's nose, between her eyebrows.

"There, that's better," the redhead decided and leaned back against Spike.

"Good. Can we get down to researching, now?" Buffy requested.

"Where do we start looking, though?" Xander asked. "Under demonic practical jokers?"

"That's a good question, actually," Giles sighed. "All of the events seem to be completely unrelated. Other than the fact they've been
directed at the four of you, I can't find anything that ties them together."

"Well, we can't very well just start going through all of these books, one by one," Buffy said.

"I think we should back-track to when this all began. I believe the clowns that kidnapped Willow was the first of these strange
events," the watcher stated. "Between the plagues that Willow and Spike have been subjected to and those that you two have
experienced, there's been at least one occurrence every week for the past six months. I checked the first date for any prophecies--"

"And?" Buffy asked hopefully.

"I found nothing," he admitted. "Whoever, or whatever, is behind all this, they seem to be taking great pains to be sure the four of you
aren't together. Aside from the crows and the snakes in the cemetery, and you weren't side-by-side during either of those, you've been
nowhere near each other during any of these occurrences."

"Giles, you aren't telling us anything we don't already know," Willow pointed out. "If that's significant, why?"

Giles breathed a sigh of frustration and took off his glasses and set them on an open book, "I have no idea. I'm sorry. I know I'm not
being helpful."

"I have an idea," Spike spoke up.

They all turned expectant eyes on the blonde vampire.

"Why don't the three of you stay here and play with your books, and Willow and I will go play with each--"

"Spike!" Willow elbowed him. "If we're going to find an answer to all of this--"

"We're going to need more to go on than we have right now," he finished. "I'm not prepared to waste the evening sitting here looking
for something when we have no idea _what_ we're looking for."

Willow looked over at Giles apologetically as Spike slid her off his lap and stood up, taking her hand.

"Perhaps he's right," the watcher agreed.

"So--what? The three of us stay here and leaf through dusty books while those two go out and have fun?" Buffy pouted.

"No, you and Xander can leave, as well. I'll try to come up with something. Just keep me informed of anything that happens that's out
of the ordinary. If we're persistent, we'll eventually find the answer," Giles replied.

"You sure?" the slayer asked contritely. "Because Xander and I will--"

"No, it isn't necessary. Go on," he insisted.

Xander and Buffy followed several paces behind Spike and Willow as they left Giles' house. Willow leaned against Spike as he put his
arm around her.

"You hungry, ducks? It's been several hours and two shaggings since you last ate," he spoke.

"I am," she nodded, unaware of the uncomfortable grimace that passed over Buffy's face from behind them. "Can we go to that new
Chinese place near your apartment? I love Chinese."

"I'm kind of partial to them, myself," he grinned.

Willow shook her head, but couldn't help smiling, "That isn't what I meant!"

"You just try sinking your fangs into one of those--"

Spike shot a look over his shoulder at Buffy, "If you're going to tag along behind us, have the sense to keep your mouth shut, or I may
help myself to a couple of chopsticks and shove them right up your--"

"Okay, you two," Willow rolled her eyes. "Xander, you still back there?"

"Yup."

"You okay?"

"Yup, just too afraid to speak."

"Want Chinese?" she asked.

"Who's buying?"

"Spike," she answered and laughed when her lover looked at her in surprise. "Don't worry. Dessert is on me."

He grinned and squeezed her waist, "That's a deal, pet."

Xander and Buffy followed behind them in silence as Spike and Willow talked softly to each other. They neared the restaurant, and
Spike's hand dropped from Willow's waist to lace his fingers through hers as they crossed the street and entered the parking lot.
Something scampered out from underneath a car in front of them, and Willow stopped, pulling back on Spike's hand.

"What was that?" she whispered.

Buffy moved up beside her, straining her eyes at the small, dark creature that had stopped a few feet ahead of them.

"It's a rabbit," Spike answered.

"A regular rabbit? Or a demon possessed attack rabbit?" Xander asked, stopping next to Buffy.

"Just stay still," Buffy ordered.

Xander looked at the slayer as if she'd lost her mind when he saw her pull a stake out of her pocket. She took a few slow, tentative
steps toward the rabbit and stopped, her eyes fixed upon it. The rabbit remained motionless. She took one more step, and the animal
suddenly turned toward her, took several quick hops in her direction, and launched itself at her leg. Buffy jumped to the side, and the
rabbit landed on all fours on the pavement.

"What the hell?" Willow whispered as she stared at the creature.

Two decidedly elongated fangs descended from the rabbit's upper jaw.

"Wow, that's pretty hare-y," Xander said from Willow's side.

"Xander," Buffy looked over at him.

"I know," he nodded. "Shut up."

Buffy and the rabbit stared each other down for several, long seconds, before the animal suddenly bolted toward her. This time, it
made contact with her right leg, and wrapped its furry paws around her calf.

"What the hell is it doing to her?" Xander asked, squinting his eyes in the darkness.

"It's--" Willow paused as her body began to shake with laughter.
"It's--"

"It's humping her leg," Spike spoke, laughing as hard as Willow.

"Get it off of me!" Buffy screamed, trying to shake the rabbit off her leg.

"Admit it, slayer. You've been dying for some action for months," the vampire replied.

"Shut the hell up, and get this damned thing off me!" she yelled.

Willow and Xander raced over to her, with Spike following much more slowly. Willow kicked at the rabbit, and it tumbled off Buffy's
leg and turned on the redhead.

"Shit!" Spike growled as the rabbit impacted with Willow's leg.

She cried out in pain as the creature's fangs pierced through her jeans and sunk into the flesh of her calf. She reached down to bat it
off of her, but its teeth were firmly implanted. Xander's hand shot out and grabbed the rabbit by the neck, and Willow hissed as its
fangs tore at her skin. Spike's cold, strong fingers wrapped around Xander's wrist and pulled his hand away from the rabbit before it
could do even more damage to her leg. "Damned bloody rodent," Spike snarled and grabbed the rabbit as Buffy smacked it over the
head with her stake. The rabbit withdrew its fangs from Willow's leg and wriggled around to nip at the slayer's wrist. She yelped and
gave her arm a quick jerk, and the rabbit flew off of her and sailed across the parking lot. It hit the pavement with a thud and lay still.

Spike stooped down, and Willow braced herself against his shoulder as he examined her wound. Her pant leg was stained with blood, and
Buffy was visibly shocked when his demon, evidently more concerned over Willow's injury than the scent of her blood, didn't even
react. He curled his fingers around the torn denim, careful not to touch the small gashes in her skin, and ripped the fabric open to get a
better look.
"I don't think it's too bad," she reassured him, clutching his shoulder. "I think my jeans must have been heavy enough to--"
"Just let me look, baby," Spike said softly.

Buffy handed him a clean tissue, and he gently cupped his hand around the back of Willow's leg and dabbed carefully at the blood that
trickled from her wounds. Willow flinched, and he looked up at her in concern.

"It's okay," she told him. "It's just a small bunny-bite."

"Like hell," he answered. "Peter Cottontail, he wasn't."

"Peter Cottontail?" she echoed, grinning. "You never cease to amaze me."

"I hope not," he smiled and kissed her kneecap.

"Would you just check the damned wound?" Buffy snapped.

"It's really okay, see?" she insisted, pressing her weight down onto her leg. "We'll just get it cleaned up, and it'll be fine in a couple of
days."

"I get to take off your pants," Spike told her.

Buffy groaned and turned to Xander as he walked back to them.

"He's definitely a dead rabbit, with one hell of a hare-lip," he announced.

"How would you like me to give you a hare-lip?" Buffy's threat was offset by a wide grin.

"You realize what this means, don't you?" Willow asked them?

"Yeah," Xander nodded grimly. "I'm never eating another Cadbury egg."

"No!" she giggled. "It means we've just blown Giles' theory right out the window."

"What theory is that?" Buffy asked.

"That whoever is doing this is making sure the four of us aren't together when the insanity erupts," she explained.

"Oh, that news ought to give him a happy," Buffy sighed. "We've even managed to slip right off of square one."

"Baby, we need to get you home so I can take care of that leg," Spike said.

"Okay," she nodded.

"And the slayer can go back to the watcher's place and tell him all about how _her_ leg was sexually assaulted by a rabbit," the
vampire added with a straight face.

Buffy glared at him, and Xander tugged on her arm and dragged her away before another full-blown onslaught of insults could begin.
***** 

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