Pineapples
By Ruby
Title: Pineapples? 1/1 (4th in the "Plagued--Why
Us?" series)
Author: Ruby
E-mail: [email protected]
Rating: PG-16
Disclaimer: Joss owns all.
Summary: Beware anonymous gifts.
Archive: My usual haunts.
Feedback: Yes, please!
Dedication: For Abatha217, who suggested PINEAPPLES?!?:-)
Willow knocked on the door for the third
time and waited another minute before turning to descend the porch steps. She
whirled back
around as the door behind her opened.
"I thought you must have gone out," she said to the blonde vampire standing in the doorway.
Spike held out his hand to her, and she took it and stepped inside.
"It was tonight I was supposed to come over, wasn't it? Is this a bad time?" she asked.
"No," he smiled and pulled her into his arms to kiss her. "I was just busy."
"Oh! Well, I can come back another--"
Her offer was interrupted by his lips once again descending on hers.
"Come on. I'll show you what I was doing," he told her.
She followed Spike into the kitchen and looked around the room and then up at him.
"Pineapples?" she asked, stepping over to the table, which was literally covered with them.
"Three crates of them," he answered. "Left on my doorstep while I was sleeping today."
"Who sent them?" she inquired.
"I don't know. Why would anyone who knows me send me pineapples?"
"Good question. Maybe they were delivered to the wrong address," she suggested.
"There was no address on any of the crates.
I even dumped them all out, just to make sure there wasn't a note buried down
inside one of
them."
"Strange," she murmured with a shrug. "Well, come on, I'll help you pick them up."
Spike shoved an empty crate toward her
and grabbed up another for himself. He started on the counters, which were also
laden with the
fruit, while Willow began cleaning off the table. Suddenly, Willow squealed,
and the vampire dropped the pineapple he was holding and
hurried around the table to her. She had three fingers of her right hand in
her mouth, and he gently pulled it away from her lips to
discover her fingertips were dotted with several drops of blood from where she
had grabbed a pineapple from the table.
"That must have been one hell of a prickly pineapple," he stated as he drew her hand to his mouth and licked the blood from her fingers.
A strangely warm shiver went through the
redhead's body, and she pulled her hand away and bent to pick up the pineapple
she had
dropped on the floor. She lifted it by its leafy top, and the bottom broke free
and landed at her feet. Spike leaned down and carefully
retrieved it.
"This pineapple is hollow," he announced, placing it on the table.
Willow looked down into the hollowed-out
fruit and reached inside to pull out a scrap of paper that had been stuffed
inside. She
unfolded the wet, sticky note.
"Not all that seems sweet is safe," she read.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Spike asked.
"I don't know, but I really think we need to get these out of here," she answered.
"You're frightened--of pineapples," he said, grinning at her.
"Do the words frog and crow mean anything to you?" she snapped.
"Right," he nodded immediately. "We'll
get rid of the pineapples." ***
"We can take them to the food bank," Willow said as Spike set the third crate
on the sidewalk that led up to his door.
"We can take them to the dumpster out back," he replied.
"Why waste them? Just because you don't have to eat, doesn't mean no one else has to, either."
"Fine. Whatever. We'll have to take them in the car," he told her.
They each took one of the three crates
and headed for Spike's car in the parking lot, and Willow waited while Spike
went back for the
third crate. He returned a few seconds later and balanced the crate on one knee
while he pulled open the car door. Dozens of
pineapples cascaded out onto the pavement, and the vampire landed on top of
them, spilling the contents of the crate he was holding all
over himself.
"Who the bloody hell filled my bloody car with bloody pineapples?" he bellowed.
"Oh, Goddess," Willow spoke between giggles. "Are you okay?"
"What's so bloody funny?" he growled.
"You are!" she answered and burst out laughing
as another pineapple tumbled out of the car and hit Spike on the head. "Oh,
Spike, I'm
sorry."
"Sure you are," he grumbled, but his lips
curled into a grin as she dropped the crate she was holding and reached down
to help him up
onto his feet.
They looked through the open door into the car.
"Front and back seats, both. Filled to the top. Why?" Willow wondered.
Spike shook his head and took her hand,
pulling her out of the way before he carefully opened the back door, allowing
the pineapples to
spill out onto the ground. The couple stood speechless, taking in the sight
of the fruit that covered the floor of his car and the parking
lot around them.
Willow jumped and latched onto Spike's
arm as one of the pineapples at their feet suddenly exploded, raining pieces
of fruit and sticky
juice down on them. Another pineapple followed suit, and in an instant the rest
of the pineapples began to explode around them. Spike
glanced into the DeSoto just long enough to see yellow chunks and gooey juice
bursting from the pineapples and coating the interior of
the car.
He managed to stay upright as he grabbed
Willow's hand and pulled her away from the vehicle. They stood at the edge of
the parking
lot, drenched in juice and with chunks of fruit clinging to their hair and clothes,
and watched the pineapples bursting into the air and
coming down over the asphalt and the car. When the explosions finally ceased,
not a single pineapple remained intact.
"Well, that was...interesting," Willow said in utter astonishment. "What do we do now?"
The vampire looked down at her and arched an eyebrow, "This is all your fault, you know."
"My fault!" she shouted indignantly. "Why is it my fault?"
"You were the one who insisted we take
the damned things to the food bank. Look at my car!" he snarled. "You're in
trouble, little one,
big trouble."
Willow swallowed hard and forced herself to meet his eyes, "I am?"
"You are. I'm taking you back inside and punishing you."
"P-punishing m-me?" she squeaked, her eyes large and frightened.
"That's right," he nodded. "And you're going to lay perfectly still while I lick every last drop of juice off your naked body."
Willow giggled as a smile snaked across the handsome vampire's face and his eyes twinkled with amusement.
"Okay," she nodded eagerly. "And then do I get to punish you? After all, you were the one who listened to me."
"Oh, absolutely," he grinned wolfishly
and bent to lick a piece of pineapple off her cheek.
********