Inspired

By Elka

Title: Inspired
Email: [email protected]
Rating: PG - I say the word penis, can you handle it?
Order: Follows 'Feeling Nothing' in 'Soul Survivor'
Distribution: The regulars. Ask if you've got the wants.
Disclaimer: Joss is the wind beneath my wings.
Spoilers: Uhh. General season four, no specific episode. Oz
has left. Spike is unbitey at Giles'. Now, season 2.
Author's Notes: Nightbird, my sympathies about losing your
kitty. Sammy, making you feel special is my life goal, seriously.
Giggle. Nita, still my angel of feedback. How cheesy is that?
Inell, say my...wait, how does it go again?

-----

Willow fumed as she strode across campus toward her building.
Her hands were clenched in tight fists at her side, teeth gritted
as she muttered to herself, ignoring hte people milling around
her.

"Kisses me. Likes me. Doesn't love me. Of course not, he may
be a vampire, but he's still a guy, it's expected."

She let out a frustrated sound.

"It's the penis, always the penis, makes them stupid, stupid
and oblivious. Maybe Lorenna was on the right track."

The front door was slammed open with a mighty blow. Willow
clattered angrily up the stairs, ignoring attempts at pleasantries
by other residents in the dorm.

She leaned against the door to the room she shared with Buffy,
catching her breath. The sheer anger she felt towards Spike,
towards herself, made her crazy. Her eyes searched the room
wildly.

"All because he doesn't have a soul. Stupid, stupid demon.
Stupid demon. He's so...so stupid."

Willow threw her arms at her side, sliding helplessly to the
floor.

"Do I like him?" She asked herself. "Do I really?"

"Yes. I do. I do like him, more then that. Stupid demon. Just
because he doesn't have a soul." She repeated slowly.

"Doesn't have a soul..."

Inspired, Willow stood quickly, opening the trunk at the end
of her bed. She searched through the items, tossing aside books
and ingredients.

Amy the Rat squeaked in her cage in the corner as Willow tore
through the trunk, determined to find what she was looking
for.

And there it was, sitting on the very bottom, covered partially
by a candle. Willow stopped to look at it, before reaching
down with shaking fingers to pick it up.

A single diskette.

-----

-----

Willow stared at the disk in her hand. Could she? Could she
really do it? Was it so selfish to be with someone she cared
about? She had felt the spark, it was there, it had to be explored.
She lost everything with Oz, she wasn't going to let the same
happen with Spike. She slipped the disk in her computer.

-----

Spike sat, paralysed in that single position. He couldn't believe
he had allowed her to get away, he needed her. Worse, she needed
him. She was in such a precarious situation with her loss of
Oz and that was the exact moment he chose to kiss her then
practically reject her.

Spike groaned. "The Slayer's going to kill me."

-----

Willow read it over quickly, her fingers poised over the keys.
She glanced down at the book on her lap, adding changes to
the screen with uncertain strokes. Her hands shook as she thought
of the consequences of her actions. But she couldn't give it
up. She had to feel it again, feel what she had felt when he
had kissed her. That one moment, she wanted it to be forever.

-----

Spike laid back on the couch, staring up at the ceiling, thinking.
He remembered how Drusilla used to stare at the ceiling, pretending
she could see the stars. She used to name them all. Sometimes
different names, sometimes the same names. He thought about
Willow.

He could see the stars.

-----

Willow hit the enter key, the printer whirred to life, spitting
out the pages of text as she watched, mesmerised by the lines
of black and white.

-----

Spike stood, pacing the room. He couldn't think clearly. His
human and demon were arguing fiercly. His demon side angered
at his affection for the girl, his human wanting nothing more
then to run after her, apologise and hold her forever.

-----

Willow gathered the papers, she sat crosslegged in the room,
holding a precious instrument in front of her. She stared at
it's shape, the smooth curves, the glowing surface. She took
a deep breath and began to read.

-----

Spike won. He harnassed his demon, determined to go to Willow
and make thing right. It was possible. One kiss. That was all
it took to realise what she had meant to her. He had felt the
same in her. It was meant to be. As much as he hated that destiny
crap. He pulled his duster on and headed for the door.

-----

Willow read the last few lines of the text. She closed her
eyes, listening to the swirling powers around her. It was different
then the last time she had done it, she had changed it, but
it had the same effect. It had to work...

-----

The searing pain overtook him as his hand touched the doorknob.
Spike fell to the floor, writhing in agony. His insides were
ripped apart, fire teared his eyes. Everything hurt. Intense
white light blinded him as he smashed a leg into the door.
The unfamiliar sensations, burning hot.

Then it was over. And he felt everything.

-----
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